Fill the empty space

Because I am deprived of good sex (and I don't really know how I manage to get by) I've thought of having one night stands with just any random stranger who would give in just to fill the empty space. You don't want to know how many times I thought about it.

They say men think of sex almost every 12 minutes. I say, I think of sex every free time I get. One of my fantasies include one night stand. But there are still so many things stopping me from plunging into the world of my fantasy. One of the things is my emotions. You may think I am old-fashioned but I don't think I can make love without being emotionally involved. And I'm scared that if I just hook up with a stranger, it just might lead to bad sex. And there is no way I would hook up with a friend because you know what happens next after sex. There would be rumors and detachments, enough for me to decide to move to another city.

You know it's quite interesting why I hear strangers talking of their friends who've had one night stands and I don't even know one. I hear them talking about it in the MRT station, in Gateway, in restaurants.

Strange, how many people talks about it and yet I don't know anyone who've committed a one-night-stand-no-strings-attached sex. Or maybe they just won't admit it to me.

There are so many who loves sex and yet they are so shy to admit it. This is the problem with most of us. We don't want to get dirty. We always want to come out clean. We'll do things that are beyond our control and yet regret it in the long run. So no matter how good sex we get, we deny it in front of our friends, afraid they might think of us as maniacs, whores, easy, whatsoever. It happens because we don't understand our real feelings. We are not sure of what we want which makes everything all the more complicated.

But I think I will have to thank my friends for the moment who remain discrete with their rendezvous. At least, I won't have to envy them.